Self-guided practices for grief and hard feelings.
How Minds Work

Does throwing stones into water or burning a letter help you let go?

By How Minds Work · Updated October 2026 · Sources listed below

Three lit candles glowing in a swirl of stars
Short answerProbably the physical act matters more than the stone or the flame. In experiments, people who wrote a thought on paper and physically threw it away relied on it less afterward. People who kept it relied on it more. Those studies weren't about grief, so the link is a guess worth testing.

Key takeaways

What does the research say about throwing something away?

In a set of experiments by Briñol and colleagues, people wrote down a thought and then either threw the paper away or kept it somewhere safe. Throwing it away led them to use that thought less when making judgments. Keeping it led them to rely on it more.

The effect was stronger when people did the action physically than when they only imagined it. That is a useful detail. It suggests the doing counts.

Does that prove burning a letter heals grief?

No. Those experiments were about everyday judgments, not grief. We can only say that physical actions can change how much weight a thought gets.

Norton and Gino's work on rituals after loss points the same way. Doing something deliberate seems to help people feel more in control of a loss.

What if you want to keep the letter?

Based on the same research, keeping a written thought may keep it more present. That isn't bad. Some people want a memory to stay close. You decide whether you want a thought to fade or to stay, and you act on that choice.

How do you do it safely?

If you burn paper, use a heat-safe bowl or a fire pit outdoors, keep water close, and never leave it alone. For stones, use a natural stone from the place and leave nothing that harms the water or wildlife. Check the rules where you live.

What the research says

Briñol et al. (2013): writing thoughts on paper and then physically discarding them led participants to use them less in judgments. Keeping them in a safe place increased reliance. The effect was stronger when the action was physical than when it was imagined.

Norton and Gino (2014): rituals after loss lowered reported grief, with a stronger feeling of control helping explain it.

Try this today

  1. Write one thing you want to put down on a small piece of paper.
  2. Decide before you start whether it goes away or stays with you.
  3. Do the action slowly and in full. Throw it, burn it safely, or put it in a box.
  4. Sit still for one minute afterward. Don't rush to the next thing.

Want a guided version? The Grief Release Ritual walks you through gathering small objects, speaking the memory out loud, releasing it, and keeping one as a witness.

See the Grief Release Ritual

Common questions

Does burning a letter help with grief?

There's no grief study on it that we found. Related experiments show that physically discarding a written thought reduced its influence on judgments.

Does throwing a stone in water help you let go?

We found no study on that exact act. The closest research suggests deliberate physical actions can change how much a thought weighs on you.

Is imagining it enough?

In the experiments, the effect was stronger when people did the action physically than when they imagined it.

Is it okay to keep the letter?

Yes. In the same research, keeping a written thought kept it more present. Choose based on what you want.

Keep reading

References

  1. Briñol, P., Gascó, M., Petty, R.E., & Horcajo, J. (2013). Treating Thoughts as Material Objects Can Increase or Decrease Their Impact on Evaluation. Psychological Science, 24(1), 41-47. doi.org/10.1177/0956797612449176
  2. Norton, M.I., & Gino, F. (2014). Rituals alleviate grieving for loved ones, lovers, and lotteries. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(1), 266-272. doi.org/10.1037/a0031772

This guide is for general information. It is not therapy, medical advice or a treatment. If grief is affecting your sleep, eating, work or safety, talk to a doctor or licensed counselor. In the United States you can call or text 988 at any time.