Is it better to do a grief ritual alone or with other people?
By How Minds Work · Updated October 2026 · Sources listed below
Key takeaways
- No study we found compares alone and group grief rituals head to head.
- A choir study of 58 bereaved adults found steadier well-being than a comparison group.
- Choose by how much privacy and company you want right now.
What does the evidence say about doing it with others?
Fancourt and colleagues studied 58 adults bereaved by cancer. Half joined a choir for 12 weekly 90-minute sessions. The rest did not. Over 24 weeks the choir group had more stable depression and well-being scores, and gradually improved self-efficacy and self-esteem.
The study wasn't randomised, and a choir isn't a grief ritual. But it suggests that being with others in a shared activity can help after a loss.
What are the benefits of doing it alone?
Privacy is the big one. You can say the real thing, cry, stop and start over, and not manage anyone else's feelings. For a first ritual, many people prefer this.
The dual process model of coping describes people moving back and forth between facing the loss and taking breaks from it. Doing it alone lets you set that pace yourself.
How do you decide?
Ask yourself two questions. Do I need to be seen right now, or do I need to be left alone? Is there one person I trust to simply witness without fixing anything?
A middle path works well. Do the ritual alone first. Then share what you did, or ask one person to sit nearby during a later one.
What the research says
Fancourt et al. (2019): a non-randomised controlled study of 58 adults bereaved by cancer (29 in a choir, 29 in a comparison group). After 12 weekly 90-minute sessions, the choir group had more stable depression and well-being and gradual gains in self-efficacy and self-esteem over 24 weeks.
Stroebe and Schut (1999): the dual process model describes oscillation between loss-focused and restoration-focused coping, with a need for respite.
Hobson et al. (2018): rituals are linked to social connection as well as emotion regulation.
Try this today
- If you choose to be alone, tell one person when you will do it and check in with them afterward.
- If you choose company, ask one person to witness and not comment.
- Agree on a signal to stop at any time.
Want a guided version? The Grief Release Ritual walks you through gathering small objects, speaking the memory out loud, releasing it, and keeping one as a witness.
See the Grief Release RitualCommon questions
Should I do a grief ritual alone?
If you want privacy and control over the pace, alone is a good fit. If you feel isolated, consider asking one trusted person to be present.
Is group grief support better than solo?
We found no direct comparison for rituals. A non-randomised study found a choir helped bereaved adults keep steadier well-being than a comparison group.
Who should I invite to a grief ritual?
Someone who can listen without fixing. One person is enough.
Can I do both?
Yes. Many people start alone and add a witness later.
Keep reading
- Do grief rituals actually work, even if you don't believe in them?
- Should you work through one memory at a time or everything at once?
- Can you do a Native American-inspired grief ritual if you are not Native?
- Create your own grief ritual in 3 stages (blog)
- Grief rituals: ancient and modern practices (blog)
References
- Fancourt, D., Finn, S., Warran, K., & Wiseman, T. (2019). Group singing in bereavement: effects on mental health, self-efficacy, self-esteem and well-being. BMJ Supportive & Palliative Care (published online 2019; issue 12(e4), e607-e615). doi.org/10.1136/bmjspcare-2018-001642
- Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224. doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046
- Hobson, N.M., Schroeder, J., Risen, J.L., Xygalatas, D., & Inzlicht, M. (2018). The Psychology of Rituals: An Integrative Review and Process-Based Framework. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(3), 260-284. doi.org/10.1177/1088868317734944
This guide is for general information. It is not therapy, medical advice or a treatment. If grief is affecting your sleep, eating, work or safety, talk to a doctor or licensed counselor. In the United States you can call or text 988 at any time.