How do you do a grief release ritual at home, step by step?

By How Minds Work · Updated October 2026 · Sources listed below

Key takeaways

• Small and simple works. One loss, one object, one spoken sentence.
• Experiments found that rituals after loss lowered grief.
• End with rest. A rough hour afterward is common and is not a sign you did it wrong.

Why try a ritual at all?

Norton and Gino (2014) ran experiments with people who had lost a loved one, a relationship or a lottery. Rituals after the loss lowered grief, and a greater sense of control helped explain why. A broader review by Hobson and colleagues links rituals to emotion regulation and social connection.

Those studies are about rituals in general. They support trying one. They do not prove that any one set of steps works for everyone.

Step 1: Pick one loss

Choose one person, one relationship or one memory. If everything feels tied together, start with the part that is loudest today.

Step 2: Pick one object

A smooth stone, a photograph, a folded page or a flower all work. It only needs to mean something to you.

Step 3: Set the space

Choose a quiet 20 minutes. Put your phone away. Have water nearby and somewhere to sit.

Step 4: Say it out loud

Hold the object. Say what you are carrying in one or two plain sentences. Torre and Lieberman (2018) describe how putting feelings into words can lessen emotional experience. We cover that here.

Step 5: Mark the letting go

Place the object somewhere that signals a change. You might set it in a river, bury it in a garden, tuck it in a box, or put a page in a bowl of water. Pick what is safe and legal where you live.

Step 6: Rest on purpose

Stroebe and Schut describe a need for respite from grief. Drink water, eat, step outside and do something ordinary. If strong feelings last, reach out to someone you trust or a licensed counselor.

What the research says

Norton and Gino (2014): three experiments found that rituals after loss lowered grief, and a greater sense of control helped explain it.

Hobson et al. (2018): integrative review linking rituals to emotion regulation, performance goal states and social connection.

Torre and Lieberman (2018): putting feelings into words can lessen emotional experience.

Stroebe and Schut (1999): coping with bereavement moves between loss-focused and restoration-focused tasks, with a need for respite.

Keep reading

• Does throwing stones into water or burning a letter help you let go?
• Is it normal to feel worse right after a grief ritual?
• Is it better to do a grief ritual alone or with other people?
• Create your own grief ritual in 3 stages (blog)
• Step-by-step ritual to process grief and release pain (blog)

References

1. Norton, M.I., & Gino, F. (2014). Rituals alleviate grieving for loved ones, lovers, and lotteries. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(1), 266-272. doi.org/10.1037/a0031772
2. Hobson, N.M., Schroeder, J., Risen, J.L., Xygalatas, D., & Inzlicht, M. (2018). The Psychology of Rituals: An Integrative Review and Process-Based Framework. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(3), 260-284. doi.org/10.1177/1088868317734944
3. Torre, J.B., & Lieberman, M.D. (2018). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling as implicit emotion regulation. Emotion Review, 10(2), 116-124. doi.org/10.1177/1754073917742706
4. Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224. doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046

This guide is for general information. It is not therapy, medical advice or a treatment. If grief is affecting your sleep, eating, work or safety, talk to a doctor or licensed counselor. In the United States you can call or text 988 at any time.